I Can Speak Chinese Right

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hello
Stranger: hi
You: how are you?
Stranger: fine
Stranger: u ?
You: no
You: it’s spelt
You: YOU
Stranger: where r u from?
You: you mean Where ARE YOU from
You: and I’M FROM England
Stranger: yeah,
You: where are you from my semi literate friend?
Stranger: im from china…
You: wow
You: dirty there?
You: you know what I’m doing right now?
Stranger: why dirty?
You: I’m breathing
You: breathing some nice clean air!!
You: mmmm
You: thickkk
You: yum yum
You: guess what i can do

Some Slaves Can’t Hack It

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi i am a male slave i am looking for a female godess to chat with
You: hello
Stranger: hey
Stranger: how r u
You: I’m good
You: you could even say godess like
You: or “goddess” if you spelt it correctly :p
Stranger: yes goddess
Stranger: sorry lol
You: that’s better
You: if scum like Bono can spell correctly, so too should a good slave
You: do you understand?
Stranger: yes goddess i understand and i am very sorry
You: how sorry?
Stranger: i am bowing down at ur feet where i belong goddess pleading on the floor like a worm goddess
You: perhaps you should lick my boots
You: I stepped in something earlier
You: and they need cleaning
Stranger: yes goddess right away
Stranger: i will lick that something away happily goddess
You: that’s the last time I take a short cut through a concentration camp
Stranger: yes goddess
Stranger: wow they taste so nice goddess
You: yeah you lick those ashes off
You: now
You: go find me a pair of crinkle-edged scissors
Stranger: yes goddess here you go
You: take them and cut a little frilly-edged square from your arm
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Bono May Well Be Jesus

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hi

Stranger: hi, how are you?

You: I’m fine thanks, how are you?

Stranger: quite well.

Stranger: a little drunk.

You: ooh

Stranger: and putting off writing a paper.

You: a/s/l?

You: ah, I hate doing papers

Stranger: 31/m/US–yourself?

You: 17/f/uk

Stranger: cool.

Stranger: so, it’s…what, around noon there?

Stranger: is that right?

Stranger: late morning?

You: mid morning

You: almost time to get up and dressed

Stranger: heh…oops.

Stranger: you’re not up and dressed yet?

Stranger: how are you using the computer? :p

Stranger: oh, wait…laptop.

You: laptop

Stranger: never mind.

You: durrr :p

Stranger: sorry!

Stranger: i, uh…

Stranger: i blame the booze!

You: it must be real early there

You: I blame the booze for a lot of thigns

Stranger: makes my mind slow, i guess.

You: makes me easy

The Final Solution

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi
Stranger: hi
Stranger: asl?
You: how are you?
Stranger: fine
You: 15/f/uk
Stranger: oh..ok
You: you?
Stranger: i’m m 18
You: where are you from?
Stranger: i am from stuttgart,germany
Stranger: exact place in uk?
You: kent
Stranger: i came to germany couple of times
Stranger: oh..kent
Stranger: i know that
You: where do you know in kent?
Stranger: i just know the name i dont know much details
Stranger: we usually see kent in poems
You: ah, it’s called the garden of england… when it comes to beauty it’s the Final Solution
Stranger: oh…..ok
Stranger: so what do u do?
You: what’s suttgart like?
You: kill blacks
You: I’m in school mainly
Stranger: yea going good
Stranger: ok
You: I like to hang out with my friends
Stranger: oh..i see
Stranger: which places??
You: watch movies – high school musical, comedies, damn busters, oooh I’m really excited about toy story 3
Stranger: ok
You: we go to each others houses, fool around listening to music etc
You: what do you do?
Stranger: not much… i have very few set of friends with whom i hang out
Stranger: i’m basically in college
You: as long as they’re good friends you don’t need many
You: I have a few really good friends
You: we do a few things together
Stranger: yea …. u’r right
You: what do you study in college ?
Stranger: i’m in arts stream
You: ooh, germany has a lot of famous artists! I know a few of them
Stranger: ya
Stranger: have u heard of peter parler & kartner meister?
You: like Gerhard Richter, Albert Speer, Anselm Keifer…
You: no who are they?
Stranger: hey seriously u donno
Stranger: they belong to 13th century
Stranger: have u atleast heard of herb hach?
Stranger: L.alcopley
Stranger: der??
You: no, I feel silly now
You: please educate me
Stranger: y so?
Stranger: oh..hahaha
Stranger: by the way wats ur name(may I know)
You: Mal
You: what’s yours?
Stranger: i’m Adalricus
You: does it mean anything?
Stranger: adalricus means noble & powerful
Stranger: wat does ur name mean?
You: I don’t really think it means anything
Stranger: oh..ok
You: dressed in black apparantly
Stranger: ok
You: which is good cos I’m often in black up to my guts
Stranger: haha
Stranger: y so?
You: and I have an SS fascination
Stranger: yah may be..unless i see ur pic(:))
You: I’ll send you a pic when I know you better Adal
Stranger: better in the sense??
You: better in the sense?
Stranger: ya .. better in which sense?
You: oh, when I know more about you
Stranger: how will u know more about me??
You: I have ways of making you talk
Stranger: oh..how?
You: oh…. I could strip you naked
You: tie you to a fence and have a pig nibble your giblets
You: or I could just ask you
You: while standing on your grapes
Stranger: getting very raunchy.huh?
You: yeah very
You: I could strip you and gas you right now
Stranger: ok hav u ever masturbated?
You: oh yeah
Stranger: how it feels to you?
You: gooooood
Stranger: does it pain?
You: no, why would it hurt?
Stranger: donno..just asking
You: does it hurt when you chug one off ze ol vist?
Stranger: no..not at all
Stranger: did u ever hav sex
You: it’s not like I’m shoving a bratwurst into my sphincter
You: yeah I have
Stranger: oh..
You: just once
Stranger: with whom?.boyfriend?
You: no
You: just a girl I know
You: we were very drunk
Stranger: girl??/
Stranger: lesbian??
You: no
You:
Stranger: den ur a male?
You: no
Stranger: or a shemale?
You: but we were really drunk on some cheap cider
You: and my uncle kept giving us more to drink
You: and we just kinda started messing around
Stranger: ohh.ok
Stranger: dont drink..its not good at this age
You: I know, I was really sick afterwards. Felt like I’d been stuck in a trench in the Ardennes eating nothing but rations and watching my buddies get shot to shit and blown apart by mortar fire for a few days
You: I haven’t drunk anything since
Stranger: oh…..ok..how do look.. atleast say that
You: I’m kinda blonde
You: and blue eyed
You: slim, funny little tache
Stranger: ok..
You: about 154cms
You: hung like a donkey
Stranger: hoping to see you….. but ur not allowing..
You: you have to tell me about you now?
You: what’s your name and rank?
You: how do you pronounce it?
Stranger: seriously..i do not know how do i look??? i never rated myself
Stranger: adalricus
You: Adalricus… a-dol-frick-us ?
Stranger: a-da-lri-cus
You: are you a good ayrian?  are you tall??
Stranger: ya i’m tall but not blue eyes
You: good
You: I don’t like blue eyes so much
You: are they brown?
Stranger: oh….ok
Stranger: ya
You: they’re brown?
Stranger: ok …let us talk something very sexy & raunchy…….is it okay with u?
You: reich, all Right with me!
You: sexy time?
Stranger: then first u start.. i donno how to start
Stranger: yea.
You: you could tell me what your plans are
Stranger: what kinda plans?
You: don’t play innocent with me!
You: the war is over for you Jerry, make it easy on yourself and tell me where your supply route is and I’ll make sure the medic gets a look at that shrapnel wound before sending you back to Batallion CP!
Stranger: ?!
You: we’ve captured Foye, we’ll be in Rachamps before your precious fuhrer can twizzle his moustache.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

On halloween I dressed up as Michael Jackson

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hihi

You: hi

You: hi

Stranger: hi

Stranger: male or female ?

You: asl?

You: female

Stranger: indonesia

Stranger: you ?

You: sweden

Stranger: what’s your name ?

You: mel

You: are you a boy?

You: or a man?

Stranger: yes

Stranger: i’m a man’

Stranger: how old are you mel ?

You: 16

You: how old are you indy?

Stranger: 17.

You: oooh

You: what’s your name?

Stranger: do you have a facebook ?

You: no, I got banned from facebook

You: because of my pictures

Stranger: why is your picture ?

You: they said my pictures were racist and offensive

You: because on halloween I dressed up as michael jackson

Stranger: ohh

You: and there were some that they said were too rude

Stranger: do you like michael jackson ?

You: no

You: but I put a lot of shoe polish on

You: and then some white powder so it looked all fucked up and flaky

Your Woong Night, Mal

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hi, how are you?

You: fine thanks

You: how are you?

Stranger: im doing well

Stranger: thank you

Stranger: asl?

You: :D

You: 16/f/ny

Stranger: cool

Stranger: im 21 m korea

You: oooh

You: south korea?

Stranger: do you know anything about korea?

Stranger: yes

Stranger: south korea

You: I know there was a war there

You: my grandfather thought there

Stranger: yes it was

You: he said he killed a lot of zipper heads and gooks

Dearest Agony Aunt

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hi

You: hello

Stranger: what can I do when a girl tells me that she hates me

You: hmm

You: it depends what you’ve done really

Stranger: what would u do if u were a boy in my situation

You: you can either apologise like hell

Stranger: hm, okay

You: move on and fuck me backwards like you’re screwing a pie and cradle my balls

Stranger: What I’ve done?

You: or end it all from a cliff

You: well she must have a reason for saying she hates you

Stranger: she sure does

You: nobody hates anyone for anything

Stranger: but..let’s not bring that up

You: did you try and put it in her fudge door?

A muncha muncha your budja junk junk

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hi ho

Stranger: hi pimp

You: sup honky?

Stranger: hahahahahahahahahahaahah

You: fancy me busting a grugaloo on your grille?

Stranger: mmm yeah baby you know it!

You: I could crank yo bitchass into next march

Stranger: let me get up in dem guts!

You: yo player, I don’t think you got the stick for it

You: have you?

Stranger: hahahahahahahahahaahah

Stranger: no

Stranger: hahaha

You: you got no stick?

You: that must suck more than your momma

Stranger: thats right

You: are you a lady?

Stranger: yes

You: then I should watch my potty mouth

You: or I’ll get it washed out with soap

Stranger: its ok i like black guys… much bigger

Stranger:

You: oh you know it

Stranger: haha by conparision are u small??

You: and you know what they say “once one has partaken of the black stick, one cannot return to the whiter flute”

Stranger: hahahahaahah

You: no madam, I am of the black persuasion

You: I be fuckin massive

Stranger: oh … nice

You: it’s like an elephant lost his trunk sniffin in my trousers

My Grandad Was At Auschwitz

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: Horny female needed for sex chat!

You: hi there

You: ooooh

You: sexy time?

Stranger: Im licking your ear

You: hmmmm

You: I like that, lower

Stranger: Im licking your neck

You: hmmmmmm my hands are on your thigh

Stranger: my hands are in your panties

You: ooooh

You: I like this

Stranger: my fingers are inside you

You: oooh it’s nice and tight in that stink hole

Pedro

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hi

You: sup honky

You: how are you?

Stranger: fine,thanks,and u?

You: I’m pretty fraggly today, but all in all I can’t complain

You: have to keep reminding myself I’m doing better than Stephen Gately

You: how’s your day looking?

Stranger: good

You: where are you from?

Stranger: rio,brazil,and u?

You: I’m from new york

You: are you a man?

Stranger: yes,and u?

You: I’m a girl

You: (now)

Stranger: ok